               TEN WAYS TO SPOT A COMPUTER EXPERT


(1)  Do they talk a lot about "hardware" without being able to

     tell the difference between a gasket and a hexagonal lug

     nut?


(2)  Do they often use the word "batch", while failing to follow

     it with the phrase "of cookies"?


(3)  Do they claim to know several "languages", none of which are

     taught by the Berlitz school?


(4)  Do they often use the expression "garbage in - garbage out",

     even when they're not eating at the cafeteria?


(5)  When playing cards, do they turn pale and shudder each time

     someone says "shuffle the deck"?


(6)  Do they print a lot, using capital letters?


(7)  When asked to name their favorite "program", do they choose

     INVENTORY.CBL instead of `Cheers'?


(8)  While making Christmas wreaths out of computer cards, do

     they stop to read what they say?


(9)  If you tell them you've ruptured a "disk", do they ask what

     was stored on it?


(10) Do they say "line" or "queue"?

     Whereas most people say "line", an expert will say "queue",

     you can take this as a cue that computers are their line.