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      -                                                               -
      -               Uses For a Commodore 64 "Computer"              -
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      -                     Written by The Duke                       -
      -                                                               -
      -     Dirty Bird's Nest, 150 megs, 3/12/2400  (618) 397-7687    -
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      -                                                               -
      -                         Disclaimer:                           -
      -                                                               -
      -  If you have a Commodore computer and are offended by this    -
      -  file, please go take a flying fuck over the moon....         -
      -                                                               -
      (>-------------------------------------------------------------<)
 
Although the Christmas rush of new Commodore 64s is basically over, the threat
of these sub-computer users is still upon us.  These people buy their computers
during Christmas from such lowlife places as K-mart or Target (Sale!!!! 
Sale!!!!) and then get their modems for New Years.  Many of these users are
damned to forever have these modems due to money problems.  However, there are
many people who realize their mistake, save some money and buy an Apple or an
IBM.  Still, they still have their Commodore 64 sitting up there on that cheap
plastic desk.  What can they do with it??  Nobody in their right mind except
another rodent would be willing to buy a Com-o-dork.  The best price they could
get would be about 3$, and that's only if the person will pay for the gas to
the buyers home..  In this article, I will describe some of the better uses for
a Commodore, out of which you could have a little fun, and dispose of it
completely.
 
 
The Uses...
 
1) As a dart board.
 
2) If you want to look intelligent, simply smash the thing apart little, put it
   on the top of your trash can, and people will think you're into electronics.
 
3) Have a cat who keeps shitting around the house, but you don't have the money
   for a kitty litter box??  Simply rip off the top, put some newspapers in
   there, and voila!!
 
4) As Chinese stars.
 
5) You can rip the plastic keyboard off the Commodore and use it as a book
   cover.
 
6) As a frisbee.
 
7) As a pooper scooper.
 
8) As a trophy to make yourself seem really important.
 
9) If you rip out all the electronic shit, you can use it to store pens and
   pencils.
 
10) As a wallet.
 
11) As McDonald's Happy Meal boxes.
 
12) Tape it to a box, and use it as a costume.
 
13) Feed it to the dog.
 
14) Break it down, and feed it to the gerbils.
 
15) As an ant farm.
 
16) Take a Anger reducer.  Simply take a large hammer, and  smash the living
    shit out of the thing, and feel glad that you put the thing out of its
    misery.
 
17) With a little playing around with the plastic keyboard, one can make a
    working rubber out of the thing.
 
18) Another use for the keyboard - Tape a whole bunch of them together and use
    it for cloth.  You can then use this cloth for either a table cloth, a
    pillow cover, a bed sheet, or whatever else you normally use cloth for..
 
19) As a place to hide various drugs.  Anyone who keeps a Commodore 64 in
    his/her room would not be suspected for possession of cocaine.
 
20) As something to throw through a police car's or police station's window.
 
21) As a bottle with a note in it, in case you get stranded in the middle of
    the ocean.
 
22) As a ash tray.
 
23) As a tape cassette case.
 
24) Take a whole bunch of them, pile them up and have a bonfire.
 
25) If you know a little about electronics, with a lot of modification, you can
    make a clock out of it.
 
26.) As a door stop.
 
Well, I'm running out of time here.  If you would like to put this up on your
BBS, I don't know why, but you can.  Well, I gotta cruise.
 
Later,
 
The Duke/U.P.S.
 
 
 
