The Moo Game for Windows - Version 1.7

Registration - Pah! What's that? If you really like the Moo Game, give a copy to your friends, and send a hoofed ungulate to me:-
(K)ELLY
Cliff View
Truggan Road
Port St Mary
Isle of Man

Not only will this frighten the postman, but it might encourage me to write some more software.

The Origins of the Moo Game.

The Moo Game began in the late 1980's as a kind of play on words. It was invented by two loonies who liked the sound made by a cow (someone has to) and found cows to be inherently hilarious (ask Gary Larson). It plays on a phenomenon that is rare in the English Language, that a word can be both an onomatopoeia and imperative, i.e. you can be mooing and asking someone to moo, all with the same word.
The game, in it's simplest form, goes like this....

GAVIN -  Moo         (making a cow noise, for no particular reason)
DUNCAN - What now?   (mistaking Gavin's cow impression as a request for him to moo)
GAVIN -  Yes!        (because he's like that)
DUNCAN - MOO!        (not wanting to disappoint)
GAVIN -  What now?   (mistaking Duncan's cow impression as a request for him to moo)
DUNCAN - YES!!       (because it's only fair really)
GAVIN -  Mooooooo    (just showing off now)
DUNCAN - Who me?       

and so it continues...

The Three Forms of Mooing

Persistence Moo - Moo in it's most basic and repetitive form. It is basically a challenge from one player to another to see who can keep on going the longest. The first to get bored and give up is the loser. HINT - you should keep altering your mooing, this keeps your interest going for longer. With the computer there are many options available to you, but you'll have to be pretty persistent to win (though mark me you CAN!). The phrase "Until bovine hell freezes over" springs to mind.

Speed Moo - With the original moo game, you are competing against your opponent, trying to keep the moos flowing fast and each player hoping the other will trip up and lose. With computer moo, because this is the age of technology, you are presented with a "Moo Training Ground" where the computer keeps the Moo's coming thick and fast and calculates you Moos per minute, overall Moo-ves, Percentage correct and overall ruminant rating...all you have to do is hold on for one minute without tripping up. You will find this excellent training for the real thing.

Style Moo - Not necessarily the easiest form of Mooing to computerise, I'll say. Basically this is for advanced moo-ers, where you have the opportunity to hone and polish each individual moo before priming it (beware, the computer isn't easily impressed) and releasing it. Obviously you haven't got much of a competitor in the computer who can only randomly generate their moos (though some are still pretty darn good I can tell you) but its PRACTISE that matters. Whoever says craftsmanship is dead will find themselves sadly wrong with Style Moo. 

What the Critics have to say about WINMOO.

"Forget Pascal, just use moo!" - Christopher Kelsall
"Well basically it's a game that trades on fear. If you don't get your moo in quicker than your opponent, if your reactions aren't fast enough...well..." - Adrian Bourne
"I notice there's not a Get-Yer-Kit-Off option" - Adrian Bourne
"That was Chris that said that, he was throwing his voice" - also Adrian Bourne
"I could become infamous in this and I'm not sure I like that" - Adrian Bourne again
"This is getting ridiculous" - Christopher Kelsall
"We should have intermittent moo really" - Adrian Bourne
"He's got an enormous Edam in the fridge" - Christopher Kelsall
"That's bollocks that is!" - Adrian Bourne
"Can we go to the pub now?" - Adrian Bourne
"Dennis Norden, Frank Muir, Small sheep called Flossy, it's all the same" - Adrian Bourne
"Contrived! How dare you say that!" - Adrian Bourne

[P.S Mr Adrian Bourne, though sad and depraved, is actually an ok chap and desperately in need of a woman. If you are one, or know one you can spare...do give us a call and put him out of our misery).

Technical Data

The Moo Game for Windows was programmed in Visual Basic by Elly Kelly (me) with Technical Support from Duncan Simpson (him), based on an original idea by Gavin Dobson/Duncan Simpson and all the staff at Cambly's.
The Moo Game requires Windows 3.1, with files vbrun300.dll and threed.vbx in the windows directory. The Moo Game files must be in a directory called WINMOO on your C drive.
Thanks to Adrian and Chris for your comments.
Thanks to Rob for your Moo game for Dos and Nah Nah Nah-NAH Nah.
